Tag Archives: puppy

If you go down to the woods today

I am not a naturally outdoorsy person by any stretch of the imagination but now that we have the puppy and we live in the countryside I do try and make the effort to go on some long walks.

My current favourite place to visit is Wendover Woods, it helps that it has a little cafe so I can stock up on coffee before heading into the unknown. Coffee is a wonderful incentive if you ever want to get me to do anything.

A few Sunday’s ago, when all three children were staying we had our usual breakfast of pancakes and then off to the woods we went. They much wailing and gnashing of teeth from the youth but they soon got over it. After all the English countryside is so beautiful, especially during the season changes, who could resist? I wrote about the gorgeous summer bluebells earlier on this year.

img_4213

Refreshments purchased.

img_4218

Coffee in hand, crunchy leaves and dungarees. Perfect.

img_4217

Very enthusiastic puppy.

Wendover woods currently have a really great Autumn Trail to follow and each sign tells you a little bit about the wildlife at the moment and what to look out for. We weren’t entirely successful but it kept at least Lucia busy and interested.

img_4232

Conker shells, but no conkers, damn.

img_4252

We found the mushrooms.

img_4221

Just because it looked so unique.

img_4224

These little balls of plants reminded me of the stone trolls in Frozen. I may have watched Frozen one too many times.

img_4258

Such gorgeous colours.

img_4256

The weather held until just before we left thankfully.

img_4268

No woodland adventure would be complete without a little bit of muddy puddle jumping and potion stirring.

All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey

I adore Autumn, it is just so autumny. The colours of the leaves changing to gold and browns and red, the crisper morning air, the anticipation of Christmas starts to build and I won’t lie, the fact that it gets cooler is a great draw for me. After all I shaved my head a few weeks ago because I just couldn’t get cold. I am looking forward to it being cold enough to light the fire in the living room, I’ve started using candles more often and falling asleep to the sound of rain is so nice.

September also signals the start of the academic year so Lulu has gone onto Year 1 at Primary school and I have started my PhD, having had to postpone from January this year due to silly illness.

So now I have been getting involved in lots of lovely autumnal activities

I made a pumpkin pie with a brown sugar and nutmeg party crust and topped with caramelised pecans and gold leaf.

img_3859

I made my very own pumpkin spice latte, mmmmmm.

img_3912img_3914

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I bought lots of gorgeous pumpkin scented candles and my house now smells completely amazing. My favourite is the Pumpkin French Toast.

img_4154

I bought a beautiful sparkly silver pumpkin that makes me smile every time I look at it.

img_4153

I enjoyed the last of the blackberry picking with Lucia and the puppy.

img_4067

My week in pictures

Monday

IMG_3472

My mum got a teeny tiny puppy – a blue chihuahua called Finn.

Tuesday

IMG_3495

I was taken for dinner at Le Manor aux Quat’Saisons. It was all types of amazing.

Wednesday

IMG_3501

As I knew i would be tired after last nights dinner I sensibly booked a days leave from work so I could rest. Pathetic, huh? That’s Fibromyalgia for you, your life is not your own.

Thursday

IMG_3515

Baby Lulu went on holiday to France with her dad and drew this delightful picture of her and I with Livia the sausage dog. Hmmm.

Friday

IMG_3534

At work, a hot sweaty mess.

Saturday

IMG_3559

I puppy sat my mum’s Chihuahua, they are actually playing in this photo. They  played and played and played.

Sunday

IMG_3572

Made Lorraine Pascale’s Gingerbread pancakes for breakfast. We have them every Sunday but I usually omit the spices and add vanilla essence as the children prefer it but as we were child free we had the proper grown up version with squirty cream and maple syrup.

 

 

Sunday, Sunday

NB I wrote this over a week ago but was too tired to post it – quelle surprise!!! Here its is anyway.

So, I made it through my first week back at work unscathed – well it was fours days really. Work itself was fine but on Thursday lunchtime I got the phone call from the school every parent dreads ‘your child had fallen off the climbing frame and banged her head’. These things are sent to test us, so my mum was dispatched to collect her and I jumped on train from London and met them at home. Lucia had a nice big bruise but after the ‘can you tell your name? do you remember the accident? Can you count to 10?’ she was deemed ok and so spent the rest of the afternoon watching the Ipad and eating ice cream. Phew.

I was so exhausted by then that I went to bed at 5pm, woke up to eat dinner in bed and then fell asleep agin, I woke for work at 6.30am and felt like I could sleep for the rest of the day. Getting up was hard, really hard, the exhaustion and the constant pain in my wrist, hands, arm and neck are tiring in them selves. But I did it and that’s the important bit. It made we worry though, I had been back at work effectively for 2 1/2 days and I was a physical wreck, this is not boding well.

IMG_0087

However, when I got home on Friday my Tens machine had arrived, all that hope I was placing on a tiny little item, surely I was heading for a fall? but no, I love it, it is amazing, I’m still taking the pain killers but the machine is so effective on my hand and wrist that I am quite amazed. How could something so cheap be so effective? I don’t know and I don’t care, all I know is that it is and I love it. People will stare, but that is not the sort of thing that bothers me anymore, believe me it really used to and that was when I was fine and well! Age and illness frees you somewhat from those thoughts, for me anyway. The machine sends little electrical currents through the pads stuck on your body, it does feel odd, a bit tingly, and sometimes it can be uncomfortable so I turn the strength down but goodness is it effective, I cannot recommend it enough. I have the wonderful @curlyb56 to thank for pointing me in the direction of tens and to this particular machine, she is fast becoming my ‘go to’ gal for all things chronic pain related so massive thanks and kisses to her.

IMG_0090

I spent all of yesterday in bed resting, watching Netflix and just ‘being’, but feeling really really grumpy, in such a bad mood, just looking for something to screech about, my poor mum she gets the brunt of it. She stayed to look after Lu for me and brought me dinner in bed again, she is lovely and kind but does drive me mad.

Today its just Lu and me, so far we have watched endless Youtube videos of Lu’s choice, mainly involving disney princesses while the puppy continues to teeth and chew everything that isnt above waist height but the sun is shining, sort of and I must take them both out for a walk soon. A new week looms and the fear I have re exhaustion remains but I know I am doing everything I can to ward against it interfering in my work life but that in itself makes me worry, what if my best isn’t enough????

 

Ooh aah just a little bit, oooh aah a little bit more

Hello world, it has been ages since I last blogged and it hasn’t been due to lack of desire but merely because I couldn’t think of anything to write about that may be of interest to anyone, including myself. I’ve been off work poorly again with my latest diagnoses of fibromyalgia and am still waiting for my Pain Clinic referral so each of my days are a bit like groundhog ones. I am exceptionally tired, constantly. If I do nothing but rest all day I am beyond tired and could sleep for days, if I do ‘things’ then I am physically exhausted by 5pm and can barely speak. This is the most difficult illness to manage that I’ve had to date, in my mind anyway.

The generally accepted wisdom is that exercise creates energy so off to the gym I go for gentle exercise, I pace myself but the next two days are always a write off, this illness isn’t one of those that works that way and I find it incredibly frustrating. I feel like I am constantly having to think three days ahead all the time. If I go for a swim today will I be able to get up tomorrow to take Lucia to school? It goes against everything I am, I am a single mum, with a full time job, a puppy, about to commence a Phd, I am the one that does lots of stuff, and I enjoy that, I fit it in and I manage but Fibromyalgia is standing on the sidelines mocking me. If I am planning on driving anywhere I have to consider that I won’t be able to take my painkillers as I cant drive on them, so I have to calculate how long it will be until I can take them and then accept that I will be in a lot of pain for that time.

IMG_1883

I massage my hands and knees and elbows with frankincense aromatherapy oil before I go to sleep – its good for inflammation. I take turmeric and ginger tablets, as well as a B Complex (can help with mental health), primrose oil for ‘that’ time of the month and cod liver oil for healthy everything. I have fresh juice each day with fresh ginger, I have a smoothie with berries, soy milk, banana, nut butter, dates, a spoon of acai, and a spoon of maca for energy. I have overnight soaked oats with chia seeds and linseed for breakfast. I drink water – though I hate it. I am doing the things that I should, and these are things I like. My mum bought me up eating tofu and brown rice in a time when people who did that were thought of as cranks (anyone remember the restaurant Cranks? amazing baked potatoes rolled in oil and rosemary before baking). I take the puppy for walks in beautiful locations that feed my soul, I’m trying my absolute best to ignore my cravings of Cadburys Big Chocolate Buttons, but I am also being kind to myself,.I am lucky that I have positive people in my life, my daughter is always the light at the end of the tunnel, she is my joy personified.

But, isn’t there always a but, I am back to work tomorrow and I am frightened. My biggest fear has always been the inability to cope. In my mind if I can’t cope then that’s it, game over. Like a house of cards, it will all come tumbling down around me. And I am feeling guilty, all the time. Guilty that I am tired and don’t go to the gym everyday, guilty that I am tired and am not up with the lark chasing the day, guilty that I let Lucia eat her favourite meal of fishmongers and chips everyday because I don’t have the energy to try and make her eat something I have created for her, guilty that some times I am so tired that I don’t have the energy to argue with Lu and I let her skip her homework for a night, guilty that when Lu wakes up at 6am on a Saturday morning I give her the iPad to watch so I can get some more sleep, guilty that when her dad collects her every other weekend for her Saturday night stay that I am relieved that I will be able to go to bed and not have to cook or play or have a bath if I don’t want to, guilty that I bought plants at the school fete and they have been sat in their pots for days because I am too tired to weed the veg patch and plant them, guilty that I want to be bathed in my pjs (thats if i have actually got out of them) by 7pm and that I just can’t muster the energy to go on a ‘date night’ with my partner. I worry he’ll think ‘this isn’t what I signed up for, what happened to the woman I met two years ago?’

IMG_1817

This illness is depleting me, the ‘me’ of old is fading, I’m not a good mum, friend or partner anymore, I don’t have the energy and to ask other people to live with that is extremely selfish of me, it makes it seem like the ‘Miriam’ show, and that’s not what I want. It isn’t the ‘me’ I want to be, it isn’t the ‘me’ I was  months ago but I fear it will be the ‘me’ from now on. I have become defined by my illness, restricted and curtailed. None of my other illness have ever done this to me, though they are medically more serious, but whats a liver transplant between friends.

But I must tell you a secret, something I quite dislike myself for feeling, something I am really unhappy about and that is how much weight I have put on. I hate that it bothers me, I hate that I cant seem to lose it, it makes me feel like I have no self control, why can’t I make myself exercise everyday? why can’t I curb my appetite? why does my weight bother me? It is so superficial but when I see myself in the mirror, which I avoid like the plague, I think ‘oh god, you look bloody awful’. If I was talking to a  friend I would say ‘FFS get a grip, you are dealing with so many things, the steroids increased your appetite, you suffered  a bout of depression, you are suffering from chronic fatigue, shut the fuck up abut your weight, you are a strong woman, a mum to a wonderful daughter’ but for the first time ever in my 42 years I am thinking ‘If I was thinner I would be happier’ I mean, what the hell??? Anyway thats my shameful secret, I feel like a failure.

Apart from all of that I’m ticking along quite nicely, you?

Ps the blog title refers to using up my energy a little bit at a time, slightly convoluted but I’m feeling the Fibre fog at the mo.

Tiptoe through the tulips

Well, bluebells actually. Can you believe I have lived in Buckinghamshire for more than five years now and yesterday was the first time I’ve been to admire the bluebells? Shockingly remiss of me. Anyway, I got up, go dressed and dragged puppy out for a saunter through Wendover Woods, it was a beautiful day, made use of the cafe and bought coffee to energise me for walk. Unfortunately it started raining but the flowers were still breathtaking.

IMG_0072

That path just calls to you

IMG_0062

I feel rather proud, as if I climbed this! I didn’t I drove.

IMG_0073

Felt like Little Red Riding Hood following the woodland path

IMG_0071

Puppy and coffee, two of my travel essentials

IMG_0076

And breath in the beauty

IMG_0074

My most favourite colour ever

IMG_0066

What not to do with bluebells, look but don’t touch please!

 

My week in pictures

Monday

IMG_1598

I blogged about my crappy father

Tuesday

IMG_1609.JPG

I ate all of Lulu’s mini boxes of cereal for dinner while she was at her dad’s (gluten free of course)

Wednesday

IMG_1618.JPG

Lucia and the puppy slept with me

Thursday

IMG_1625

Back at the hospital for more tests 

Friday

IMG_1638.JPG

Celebrating the boss’s 60th

Saturday

IMG_1648

Off for a swim in the Lido in the rain – I promised her!

Sunday

IMG_1658

Woke up to this glorious weather to took the puppy to the park

 

My week in pictures

Monday

IMG_1384

Picked up more drugs from the Doctor.

Tuesday

IMG_1392

Sent this to ex husband to remind him of ALL the champagne & Eggs Benedict we ate at this place in the wee small hours of the morning.

Wednesday

IMG_1398

Horrid grey comment to work

Thursday

IMG_1403

Had my eyebrows threaded. Oh, the pain. But so worth it.

Friday

IMG_1405

Good Friday iPad film watching with baby Lulu

Saturday

IMG_1418.JPG

Easter nails

Sunday

IMG_1434.JPG

Lulu teaching the puppy how to iron, she must get it from her dad as she has never seen me iron a thing!

My week in pictures

Monday

IMG_0719

My vision cleared enough and for long enough for me to read a book, it was good.

Tuesday

IMG_0722

The very talented Miss Mercedes came to my house to give me a mani and pedi.

Wednesday

IMG_0723

Brushed up on illness before seeing Neurologist.

 

IMG_0729

Post hospital treat at Five Guys (gluten free obvs).

Thursday

IMG_0738

One of my besties came to see me.

IMG_0741

Another day another hospital.

Friday

IMG_0749.JPG

Had a quiet day hanging out with the puppy.

Saturday

IMG_0758.JPG

Not feeling great – Before.

IMG_0769

After.

Sunday

IMG_0766

Lucia’s dad adopted a new kitty cat.

My week in pictures

Monday

IMG_0673.jpg

Have had my beloved Filofax pristine for ten years. Two minutes with the puppy and this….

Tuesday

IMG_0677.jpg

Another day another hospital appointment.

Wednesday

 

IMG_0679.jpg

Gave in and watched Making a Murderer with puppy for company.

Thursday

IMG_0681.JPG

Glamorous movie star look – well actually felt exhausted so lingered in bed.

Friday

IMG_0694

Bedtime cuddles & some awful children programme on Netflix.

Saturday

IMG_0696.jpg

Spending time with a good friend was good for my soul. 

Sunday

IMG_0713.JPG

Lucia and I hanging out in bed, it was heaven.

ps

IMG_0706.jpg

Keeping it real – Lucia took this.