Tag Archives: London

Heigh ho heigh ho its off to (primary) school she goes

Having a baby was a long old slog for me and my soon to be ex husband, the getting pregnant bit was easy, it was keeping the babies alive that was hard.  Anyway, that’s for another time. So now here I am, the mother of a sprightly four year old little girl. I named her Lucia and I call her Lulu but now she keeps telling me her name is Lucia, nice huh?

10865152_1608658219363597_347408188_n

I went back to work when she was ten months old and she went off to full time nursery, I didn’t feel guilty (but I did feel guilty about not feeling guilty). She loved it, in fact she cried every time I picked her up. Then she went through a phase of crying when I dropped her off, that was in the months after my husband left, I really hated him, not for hurting me but for hurting her. For the first time ever I sat in my car in the nursery car park and sobbed. She was insecure and clinging for a long time, she hadn’t really been a very cuddly child until then, but I enjoyed the cuddles, so silver linings and all. Thank fully she is now back to her old self and runs through the nursery doors without even a goodbye kiss

In a few months she will be off to ‘big school’, OMG. What if they ruin her? what if she hates it? Will I be held to ransom by the evil holiday companies charging the earth for breaks during school holidays?

I’m a little sad that I will no longer be able to take a day off work and keep her home with me just so we can have fun on a week day, ‘the man’ will make her go to school all week and our fun will be reserved for the weekends. I also feel a bit sad that I wont be dropping her off or collecting her, commuting to London, full time job etc. I always loved seeing my mum waiting at the school gates at the end of the day and walking to school with her is a good memory for me. I try and hold onto those  memories on the days my mum is driving me mental with all her unwanted parenting ‘advice’. Its hard.

But the first hurdle is getting Lulu into the local primary school. My mouth dropped open when I viewed the school in our catchment and was told that the intake for Lulu’s year was eight places. Eight places? what? So fingers crossed she gets in and then I can concentrate on worrying about all the above. I want her to be independent and confident and happy but it feels a little bit like she is slipping a little bit further away from me, like the first time she crawled, when she literally was slipping out of my arms and across the living room floor. I know its the next stage in her growing up and I really want that to happen but since I won’t be having anymore children it feels very final.

Ps I found out on Thursday that she got into the local primary school. Hooray.

Spring is in the air and I owe the bank a lot of money,

The seasons feel like they have finally changed and I now actually feel like spring has sprung. Daffodils are brightening up the grassy banks in my town and they are cheap as chips  at Tesco so I can buy loads of them to brighten up the house too.

Unfortunately I have not been filled with desire to spring clean but I do find myself unable to pass interior decorating magazines without purchasing at least one. This could also be to do with the really exciting news that Lulu and I now own our very own home for the first time ever!! I know!

It was part of the divorce agreement that my soon to be ex and I had drawn up. We bought the house Lu and I live in together 5 years ago, tore it down and built it back up, one floor board and ceiling at a time – in an exhausting 12 week period. We saved ourselves stupid to buy this place, sold our things, lived off baked potatoes and finally had a good deposit after 12 months. I love this house so much but all good things must come to an end and when my husband left it looked pretty likely that the house would have to be sold and Lu and I would have to move to a rented flat but after a lot of negotiating he and I reached a financial agreement that suited us both. Then there was lots of form filling, appointments with the bank, an anxious few weeks waiting my own mortgage to be approved and now the whole thing is mine all  mine,  as is a massive heart pounding mortgage but I try not to think too much about that part.

2013-08-11_1376236030My mum brought me up by herself,  and has always drummed into me the importance of paying your rent first out of all the bills, or a mortgage payment as is now the case. You can live without gas and electricity – you can, really. When I was a child we did, money was a little scarce so a battery powered radio, a camping stove and candles would do the trick, almost romantic except we were in basement flat in London with no carpet or furniture but hey, it could have been worse!. The most important thing was that the rent was paid so we had a roof over our heads and that practical lesson has stuck with me.

I’m rather proud of myself for being able to reach this stage, but I didn’t do it alone. My mum always has faith in my ability, my friends keep encouraging me in my bid to re build my life and now I think that I am very nearly there. The final step in compete closure of the practical elements my old life will be the finalisation of my divorce. Its pretty much just a paper exercise at this point but I like to have everything sign, sealed and delivered before I crack open the fizz, then maybe, just maybe, I will able to have the first good nights sleep in a very very long time.