Tag Archives: fabric

But I can’t help falling in love with you

I love food, I mean everything about it. The history, the preparing, the reading, the eating. It is my passion, and often my reason for being, and it has been for as long as I can remember. I was making choux pastry at 10 years of age, churning my own butter at 11, at 13 I was making hand made filled chocolates, by 14 I had a subscription to US Gourmet magazine, at 16 I decided that I wanted to own my own catering company and live a life revolving around food for the rest of my life. And then life got in the way. A bit of family trauma, a bit of displacement, a violent boyfriend at uni and the diagnosis of coeliacs disease at a time when gluten free bread occasionally still came in tins!

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Picked up those lovely Goodhousekeeping ones on the left at church fete, complete bargain!

A catering company when I couldn’t taste anything seemed crazy so that idea faded away with sadness and instead I ended up working in the nightclub/bar/restaurant industry. It was hard work, fun, crazy, tiring and a complete buzz. My (ex) husband was extremely successful in his field of nightclubs – I think there is a still a plaque dedicated to him somewhere in the bowels of Fabric! – and we spent our spare time, and money, not clubbing but going to amazing restaurants and bars in the Uk and abroad. Foliage at the Mandarin Oriental remains the best food I have ever eaten, Chris Staines we love you!

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The ones I requested as Christmas gifts.

I started hosting dinner parties again. 14 people around a table that took up our whole living room in a our tiny basement flat in Notting Hill was not an uncommon event. 8 courses with a wine flight? I’m your gal. all prepared in a kitchen the size of a small wardrobe – the fridge lived in the hallway. Oh how I loved it. I have collected cookery books as long as  can remember, I never part with any of them, I read the recipes for pleasure, they relax me, always have. I was the odd 12 year old at the library borrowing cookery books and then taking them home to type out the recipes as I couldn’t afford to photo copy them and the internet didn’t exist then.

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Mixers and blenders and whisks, oh my

How could I let this passion slip away from me? I have no idea, it lights me up, makes me feel enthusiastic, it’s my measure of life. if I tire of cookery book I know I have tired of life and am feeling a bit depressed. It is my constant gauge of happiness, its amazing. And yet I never really ever write about it, why? I have no bloody idea so I shall start writing about here, in my tiny space in the internet, and I shall love very single minute of it.

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Fascinating facts about food. I have re read this three times, never gets boring.

Who do you think you are? Running round leaving scars

Tuesday 19th September  would have been my 12 year wedding anniversary, and would also have meant that my husband and I would have been a couple for 18 years. That is a long time but as fate would have it my husband left me 3 years ago instead. On our daughter’s 2nd birthday. That was a  hard party to get through. It hurt. I loved him very much. But he just didn’t love me back (as Andie so succinctly put it in Pretty in Pink).

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Truth be told, this year  I didn’t remember. It was only because I needed to check the date for work purposes that it struck me. I remembered it last year, and all the other years. If things were different my husband and I would have met after work for drinks, champagne probably, pink – always my favorite, and dinner. We would have reminisced about the wedding, talked about our gorgeous daughter and I would look at him, thinking how lucky I was that this wonderful man chose me, that there was no one else in the whole world I would rather spend time with, that when I see him I still get butterflies in my tummy.

But none of that happened. We divorced last year. Lucia recently found a box of my framed wedding photos that I had taken down as soon as my husband left and she has put them up in her room. I can’t tell her not to, we are her parents and she likes to look at the photos, of my long white dress and daddy looking so handsome. She loves a wedding. But when I look at them now they don’t make me sad anymore, it is like looking at another lifetime. Different people. Lu likes to play dress up in my wedding dress and I tell her it was the most amazing day of my life, which is was, apart from the day she arrived of course.

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She asks me lots of questions about the ‘big’ day, about the church and the party after, about her daddy and I dancing together and it makes her smile with so much happiness. When she is older (than the 5 years old now she is now) I’ll tell her that when daddy and I went off to the Mandarin Oriental in Knightsbridge where we had a suite in one of the turrets for our wedding night,that most of the the guests  went off to Orange at Fire in Vauxhall as they had all been put on the guest list, wandering around with our table centre piece flowers. I love that story. It really reflected us and our friends, Dan ran Fabric and most of our friends worked in the club industry. It was a wonderful day, a day of love and happiness, champagne and laughter.

But that was then and this is now. My heart remains a little bruised but it is healing nicely.