Guess who’s back, back again

Goodness wasn’t that a very prolonged sabbatical – sounds as if I was doing something worthy and important doesn’t it? I wasn’t I was just very very sick for a really really long time and now I am still sick but everything else in my life that could possibly have changed has, so now is as good a time as any to start writing again. I enjoy it and now that I can see properly and am not lying down for most of the day I feel I can accomplish that. The writing bit.

So, I think I’ll approach the changes in time order, seems logical.

In May last year, my sickness became unmanageable, I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t see often, I couldn’t stay awake. and I was signed off work. New meds, a new experimental treatment, a lot of pain. By Christmas my position at work was untenable and we parted company. It seems odd to see it in a concise sentence as it was such an all-consuming stressful awful time of anxiety. After all, who can afford to just a lose a job? I am a single mum, single income household with a mortgage and bills and all the grown-up things to pay for. In fact, the stress added to my illness so it was an awful vicious circle but I knew that there was no way I would be able to work in the same way I had before, even if I wanted to I physically could not cope and my body would not cooperate.

In February this year, I got married after a rather short engagement of 6 months, though a relationship of nearly 5 years now. However, we still live apart, him in Oxfordshire and me in Buckinghamshire, as selling houses is complicated! I know, first world problems, and when it becomes frustrating I remind myself that I actually own a house, I never thought I would be in that position especially after my ex-husband left 6 years ago and was awfully keen on selling our home…. that’s another story. Anyway, the plan is to sell our homes and buy a home together, one that fits in all the children, my one and his two and any other little one that may come along. The plan was to stay in Bucks but our hearts now belong to the Cotswolds so we will see. We both have children and they remain our priorities when it comes to decision making.

In March we went off on honeymoon to Seychelles and started trying for a baby. We are rather old, I’ve just turned 45 and he is 51, and hold out no great hopes, we know the odds, but we have decided to give it a year a see if we get lucky, if not we shall get more mini dachshunds and be happy. Due to my illness’, well really due to the meds I take it has been a very calculated plan including the withdrawal of many of my meds which are not suitable to be on when pregnant and the reintroduction of some old friends – hello prednisolone steroids and huge appetite – to try and stop my liver from coming out of remission. I have also had to give up all my heavenly pain meds, but it is worth it. So far, I’m monitoring it with blood tests and have had a little hiccup but on the right road now. I also have a history of miscarriage and my daughter was 3 months premature so my Early Miscarriage Clinic phone number and blood thinning meds are within arms reach should I see that lovely little line indicating pregnancy.

I do love a project, it gives me something to focus on, so I have stockpiled Ovulation tests and been plotting my cycle on a fab free app called Flo. In fact, my dedication meant I met my husband in North Carolina for a week while he was there on business. It was my predicted ovulation time and as I said we don’t live together so we need to take all the opportunities we can. And a week exploring somewhere new is fun. I can highly recommend Wilmington. It’s where Dawsons Creek was filmed, in fact, it is where loads of things have been filmed. I had the luxury of meandering around all day, sitting in the sun, drinking coffee, making friends, it was wonderful.

In April I set up my own business but more of that later.

The constant has been my darling daughter, her very existence made the darkest of times bearable and always always gave me a reason to keep going.

I feel I should have returned with a shiny new look to the blog too but really I just wanted to say hello.

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